Lois's Birthday
by GoldenFlither
Summary: It's Lois's birthday. Obviously.


**Family Guy: Lois's Birthday **

It's a normal day in the Family Guy residence. Peter, Lois, Brian, Meg, Chris, and Stewie are watching TV in the living room. Peter is flipping through the channels

**Lois**: Peter, stop there!

(Peter stops)

**Lois**: Hey Meg, look. It's your favorite show from when you were little. Ugh, you used to love this show.

(Shows the show Barney on the television screen)

**Meg**: You're an embarrassment to me! (runs up to her bedroom and slams door)

(The rest of the family stares at the staircase on where Meg had just run.) (There is a long pause.)

**Peter**: Lois?

**Lois**: Yes Peter?

**Peter**: What?

**Lois**: You wanted my attention.

**Peter**: I did?

**Lois**: Yes.

**Peter**: Yes what?

**Lois**: Yes you did want my attention.

(Long Pause as the two stare at each other)

**Peter**: What?

**Lois**: Ugh! Kids, I'll be right back. (gets up) I'm going to make some cookies.

**Stewie**: Yes, and while you're at it make some death as a side dish for yourself.

(Pause)

**Stewie**: And for me, some cake.

(Pause)

**Stewie**: And some muffins.

(Pause)

**Stewie**: And some cupcakes.

(Pause)

**Stewie**: Ugh, bloody hell. Do I have to go on with this? Just make me every dessert possible!

(Pause)

**Stewie**: AND NO FRUIT!

_**Theme Song**_

_**Lois: It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on Tv.  
  
Peter: But, Where are those good ol' fashion values ...  
  
All: ... on which we used to rewind?  
**__**All: Lucky theres a Family Guy!  
**__**All: Lucky theres a man who, positively can do all the thing that make us ...  
  
Stewie: ...Laugh and cry!  
  
All: He's a Family Guuuuuuuuuuuuy!**_

Back in the Griffin house, Peter, Brian, Meg, Chris, and Stewie are all in the kitchen, hiding in their hiding spots.

Scene shows the refrigerator. A second later, shows Peter opening it a crack to peek through the door from the inside, icicles hanging on his nose.

Then the scene shows Brian and Stewie hiding behind a chair. Stewie pulls Brian's ear, and Brian slaps him. Stewie yelps.

Then shows Meg hiding under the kitchen table, holding a small mirror and looking in it. With the other hand, she is putting on lip gloss.

Finally, scene shows Chris just standing up holding a Chinese paper umbrella in a way that he thinks that he won't be seen.

**Peter**: SSSSHHHH!!! here she comes.

(Footsteps are heard from the hallway)

(Lois walks into the kitchen)

(Peter, Brian, Meg, Chris, and Stewie jump from their hiding spots)

**Peter**: Happy Honokaa!

**Brian**: Happy Halloween!

**Meg**: Happy Easter!

**Chris**: Happy New Year!

**Stewie**: Happy Death Day! (holds up ray gun)

(Long pause) (Lois looks at her family members with curiosity)

**Peter**: Uuuhhh..................Happy Birthday?

**Lois**: (laughs) Aaww, thanks everybody. This is so sweet.

**Meg**: Dad bought you a cake. (Holds up tray with only chocolate cake crumbs)

(Everyone looks at Brian, who is licking his chocolate covered fingers with a chocolate covered mouth)

**Brian**: What?

**Peter**: Don't worry family, Peter Griffin is _always _prepared for emergencies like these. (holds up another tray with, once again, nothing on it.)

(Everyone looks at Brian who is still licking his fingers)

**Brian**: Hey, I didn't eat that one!

**Meg**: If you didn't eat it, then who did?

**Peter**: (burps)

(Everyone glares at Peter)

**Peter**: Oh, excuse me. I ate a whole chocolate cake today.

**Lois**: It's ok, everybody. I don't need cake to make my birthday happy.

**Peter**: Yeah, well what about us? We want chocolate cake, not everything is about you, you know. Tsk tsk tsk, selfish.

**Meg**: Don't worry everybody; I made a whole batch of cupcakes.

**Brian**: You can't even make a boiled egg, never mind a batch of cupcakes.

(_Flashes back to last Easter in the Griffin's living room_)

(Peter, Lois, Brian, Chris, and Stewie are in front of the TV) (Meg walks in)

**Meg**: Hey look, everybody! I made my own egg to decorate.

(Flames suddenly cast over the egg)

**Lois, Meg, Brian, Chris, Stewie**: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

**Peter**: OH GOD!

(Peter tries to put out flames with his hands, only ending up with his hands on fire)

**Peter**: AAAHHH! OH GOD!

(Peter runs around the room with his flaming hands in the air)

**Peter**: OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!

(Peter stops to try and blow the flames off his hands)

(_Flashback ends_)

(Now back in the kitchen)

**Meg**: You promised not to talk about that again!

**Peter**: Come on everybody. Let your mom open her gifts.

**Chris**: Open mine first!

**Lois**: Ok, sweetie.

(unwraps Chris's present, revealing a...)

**Lois**: A bar of soap. Well, that's very...thoughtful.

**Chris**: And it's yellow, like the color of pee.

**Brian**: Well at least it's better than the present he got Peter for his birthday last year.

(_Flashback to Peter's birthday in the kitchen_)

(Peter is opening the present from Chris)

(A bear jumps out of the box)

**Peter**: AAAHHH!!!

(Bear chases Peter out of the living room and out the door, without even opening the door)

(_End of flashback_)

(Back in the kitchen)

**Lois**: Well thank you, Chris. That was very nice.

**Meg**: MY TURN!

(Meg hands Lois a big box.)

**Lois**: Ok, Meg.

(Lois unwraps the present, revealing a book)

**Lois**: Oh wow.

**Meg**: Read the title.

(Lois reads the gold letters printed on the cover out loud)

**Lois**: 'There are other Uglier Girls than Me' by Meg Griffin.

**Meg**: Now read the back.

(Lois turns the book over to the back and read the small _italic _font)

**Lois**: There are much uglier girls than Meg Griffin. Read and find out why.

**Peter**: Wow, is that book fiction?

**Lois**: Peter!

**Stewie**: Well for once 'Fat Man' is right.

**Brian**: Open mine now, Lois.

**Lois**: Of course, Brian.

(unwraps present, revealing a gold necklace)

**Lois**: Brian, it's beautiful.

**Peter**: Let me see it.

(Lois hands Peter the necklace) (Peter inspects it)

**Peter**: Ok, I thought it was green. Did you guys know it's actually the color gold?!

**Lois**: 'laughs' Oh Peter, you crack me up.

**Peter**: 'gasps' Lois, how DARE you insult the methods of science in qualitative observations!

(Everyone stares at Peter.)

(Peter finally notices all eyes on him)

(There is a long silence)

**Peter**: What?

**Stewie**: For God's sake, open the gifts and get it over with!

**Lois**: Ok sweetie, let mommy open your present next.

(Lois takes present and starts to unwrap it)

**Stewie**: Finally, in a couple minutes Lois shall be gone. VICTORY IS MINE!

(Lois finishes unwrapping the present, revealing a large clock)

**Stewie**: WHAT?! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO EXPLODE! I've got to fix it at once!

(Stewie grabs the clock and runs out of room)

(Scene still in the kitchen, an explosion is heard from the living room)

**Stewie's voice from the living room**: I'm fine......

(Chris walks out of kitchen and comes back holding Stewie covered in smoke)

**Stewie**: 'coughs'

**Lois**: Oh, I've got to give Stewie a bath.

**Peter**: Do it later, Lois. First open my gift.

**Lois**: Alright, honey.

(Peter pulls out a giant wrapped box)

**Lois**: Oh my.

**Peter**: Open it.

(Lois unwraps the giant gift, only to reveal another slightly smaller wrapped gift)

**Lois**: Huh?

**Peter**: Now open that one.

(Lois, slightly confused, opens the smaller gift. It reveals a slightly smaller gift)

**Peter**: Keep going.

**Spongebob Narrator**: 1-hour-later.

(In no time at all, the continuous gifts have become the size of a pencil case.)

**Stewie**: FOR GODS SAKE, ARE YOU DONE YET?!

**Lois**: Hopefully (glares at Peter)

**Peter**: Come on everybody, birthday gifts are supposed to be surprises. Which means I'm not going to tell you when the last present is going to come.

Lois: Ugh, ok fine.

( Lois opens the pencil case sized gift.) (Finally, the box reveals a...)

**Meg**: A feather?! We wasted 1 hour opening continuous gifts for a FEATHER?!

**Lois**: Peter, why didn't you just wrap it in one box, instead of 500?

**Peter**: That's what makes it funny. And besides, i got it from our trip to the native carnival.

(_Flashes back to the Griffin's visit to the carnival_)

**Lois**: Peter, come on, we're going to be late for the show.

(Scene shows Peter looking at a model of an indian)

**Peter**: Hold on Lois, i want to see if I can get this man to move.

**Lois**: Ok, just be at the auditoriam in 5 minutes. (Leaves with kids and dog)

**Peter**: (Starts to make funny faces and make funny noises in the model indian's face)

(stops and looks at the indian's face, causing a long pause)

**Peter**: Tough one, aren't you?

(Peter moves his eyes back and forth to see if anyone is watching) (Nobody is, so he slowly reaches for the feather on the top of the model native's head) (Quickly snatches it and runs away)

(_Flashback ends_)

(glares are shot from Peter's family members.)

**Peter**: Jeez, no jokes are aloud in this house anymore. Come on guys, it's supposed to be funny. And besides, just think about what Presedent Bush had to go through.

(_Shows Bush opening his birthday present in his house, his niece right next to him_)

(Wrapping paper reveals a shell)

**Bush**: What the hell is this?!

**Niece**: It's a shell. I found it on the beach. I spent the whole day trying to find the perfect size, and that's the biggest one I found. I hope you like it.

**Bush**: (sweet talks) Aw sweetie, let me express my feelings.

**Niece**: (giggles)

**Bush**: (Grabs his gun and uses the butt of it to smash the shell, violently) RAAHH!!!

**Niece**: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!

**Bush**: YEAH, YEAH, YA LIKE THAT?! HUH?! DO YA, DO YA?!

(Goes back to the Griffin kitchen)

**Lois**: Well, thank you all for your gifts. I'll be right back (Picks up Stewie) Come on Stewie, it's bath time.

**Stewie**: All right, big nose. I'll play your little game in the water. But beware! If I catch ONE move of yours that's suspicious, I will kill you.

(Lois and Stewie disappear from the room)

(Stewie's voice is heard from the living room.)

**Stewie**: Mr. Squeaky better be in that bath tub with me.

* * *

_Me: All right, that's it for now. You don't have to tell me it sucked, cause I already know it did. This is my first Family guy FanFic, and I really don't want a bad impression. Anyways, tell me if I should continue or not. R&R please._


End file.
